Mommy Moments: The end of our journey

As the saying goes, all good things come to an end. And, if that’s the case, then a really great thing has come to an end around here. I’ve hung up my Medela pump and stored all bottles and related accessories because we’re totally weaned and have been for about a month. I never thought I’d say those words or that I’d be leaving the house without what I came to think of as an appendage in a black bag, complete with a motor, ice pack, and suction cups. Or that I’d be able to wear a bra that doesn’t unassemble.

You may remember reading here that my goal was the nurse (exclusively, if possible) for the first year, as long as it was working for everyone involved. Well, I’m proud to say that we made it! It’s been a journey filled with highs and lows and plenty of emotions, but I’ve never looked back with any regret and I can honestly say that I did everything I could ensure that our journey lasted as long as it was meant to last.

The journey wasn’t always an easy one, but it was the right one for us. Before returning to work I talked to the few working Moms I could find that breastfed the entire first year and gathered as many ideas, thoughts, and as much information as I could. Some of my co-workers, and even some “friends” told me that I was crazy to think I could nurse and pump and work all at the same time, and I’ll admit that part of me wanted to prove them wrong. But, the bigger part of me wanted to do what was best for my baby and for me and I wanted to give it 110%.

There were MANY a time that I’d come home from work with fewer ounces than I needed for the next day and would cry to myself, to Mike, or to my Mom, thinking that I wasn’t doing the best I could and would have to supplement. I mentally knew how many frozen ounces I had at any given time and knew the supply was dwindling, slowly, bag-by-bag of liquid gold. I can’t tell you how many times I decided the stress wasn’t worth the results, but (luckily) I was never brave enough to stop cold turkey. During those times of worry and stress, what I didn’t know was that my body, and Anna, knew what was best and this was just another lesson to be learned in this game of “you’re not really in control anymore” that I’m now playing. As my supply slowed down, so did her needs.

I gradually went from pumping twice a day at work to pumping once a day at work, to pumping for relief only, as I noticed my supply dropping. By 11 months, we were still nursing morning and night, she was getting 3 meals and 2 snacks a day, and was taking small amounts of breastmilk/formula (50/50) at school. At that point I knew the milk was for comfort and not as much for nutrition.  We moved away from bottles at daycare and she transitioned to a sippy cup like a champ about 3 weeks before she turned one year old. We cut out her evening nursing by trial and error; two nights in a row she went to bed without nursing due to sheer exhaustion, so we tried the third night without and the rest is history. She decided on her own that she no longer needed /wanted her morning nursing about a week and a half after her first birthday and from that day forward it’s been 3 meals, 1-2 snacks, and whole milk in sippy cups.

If you’re a new Mom or a soon-to-be-Mom, there’s no reason not to give breastfeeding a try. If you’re a Mom going back to work, I’m here to tell you that you can make it work. Sure, it takes dedication, and it can be challenging, but I can’t even begin to tell you the sense of pride you feel at the end of the journey.

I did the math, and for 20 months I was either carrying a baby or feeding a baby with my body, so I’m going to enjoy a few months of “freedom” until we decide it’s the right time to expand our family. That means “big girl” bras, wearing dresses, the ability to actually sleep in because someone else can handle breakfast, and maybe even getting crazy with two glasses of wine at dinner. Cheers to me!

** Please note that I make no judgement on Moms that can’t or don’t breastfeed, this is simply a post to document my feelings as a chapter in my life closes, and potentially provide information or support to other Moms.