Thursday, April 12, 2012

Mommy Moments: The highlight reel or behind the scenes?

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I realized over the weekend that Anna's birthday is next month, about 4 weeks away, and other than sending out a "save the date" e-mail to our family, I haven't done a single thing related to the party.  Sure, I have high-level ideas, like there will be cake (ha!), but nothing concrete.  I haven't even ordered invitations, much less thought through a menu, favors, decorations...  Work has been insane and we've been out of town four of the past six weekends on top of just living life.  I keep telling myself that I need to find a balance between wanting to be Super Woman and just existing, but it's HARD. 

Lately I've found balance is about as easy to track down as a pot of gold or a winning lottery ticket.  I want to give 110% at everything I do, that's how I operate, it's my nature.  Being a Mom, being a wife, being a daughter and daughter-in-law, being an employee, being a friend, being a follower of God.  I don't want to drop any of the balls I'm juggling, and what I'm realizing that I'm probably always going to disappoint someone.  BUT, more importantly, I'm realizing that the "someone" disappointed is ME.  I find myself living in a state of comparison and continuing to set a goals of being Super Woman.  I've finally come to a realization that I can keep going down this path and run myself ragged, OR I can try to lower the bar and find perspective in my day-to-day routine.  Am I ever going to get it totally right?  Heck no!  But, does anyone, really? 

Helping me get to this place were a few articles I read over the past few days.  A couple had me shedding tears (of joy and relief) and were put before me just when I needed to be lifted up the most; they added the perfect amount of perspective to my day.  Check out Amy's blog post here and then take a gander at this article by April and make sure you check this out too.

In our age of blogs and social media and texting and video chatting, it's easy to see snapshots of the lives of others and think they have it all figured out.  That you're missing a piece of the puzzle everyone else just clicked into place.  Maybe some people think that about me, who knows.  And if you do, then come on over to my house any night of the week to see what a chicken running around with her head cut off looks like.  I'm here to tell you I don't.  No one does.  I'd like to think that  most people go to bed at night thinking there's more they should have or could have crammed into their day; because I certainly do.  But now instead of dwelling on that aspect alone, I'll remind myself that they don't have the best husband in the world, the best Mom in the world, the cutest and sweetest and snuggliest baby in the world, a job with the flexibility and so many other great perks, two cats that are rotten as a composte pile but give the best buddy bumps, neighbors that look out for each other and gather in the evenings after work, a great network of friends ... I could go on and on. 

So, now when I start to fret that Anna may not have a perfectly themed first birthday party, or that  there are toys all over every corner of my house, or that I'm behind on the laundry ... I'll try to take a step back, take a deep breath and realize it's because I chose, that day, to focus on what really matters.  I'll stop fretting about the behind the scenes and focus on the highlight reel that is my life. 

And it's a pretty awesome highlight reel, if I do say so myself! 

It's not always cute pictures and perfect smiles around our house.  Sometimes we wear our shirts around our necks and lounge around in our diaper all afternoon. 
Or ... sometimes Mama gets tired of the chase and just gives up : )

5 comments:

jess said...

well said jen... sometimes we do need to step back and appreciate what we do have instead of what we haven't done...

Danielle said...

So true! I have had these same thoughts dancing around in my head for the last couple of weeks and even had a post started but never published. You are a terrific mom and you are doing the best you can do! Parenthood has a huge learning curve and I'm not sure anyone will ever have it all figured out. Just keep doing what you're doing and realize that Anna already has a pretty big leg up because she has a mom and dad that love her so much!

Megan said...

I also concur, deeply. Everytime I have some of these same thoughts I remember a couple of things I've read before like, "A messy home is a sign of a great mom" and "I may not know the one way to be a perfect mother, but I know one million ways to be a great and loving one"
I would rather spend my time and efforts maintaining Iris's smile and giggle than orchestrating a Martha Stewart style birthday celebration.
You go Jen!

Lisa said...

If you ever want to feel better about yourself Jen, come see my house. LOL! And I personally chose to not have huge first birthday blowouts. They don't even remember them! Go easy on yourself. Mommy guilt comes too easily. You're doing a great job!

Ms. Thomas said...

Jen, you are Superwoman because you are you and there is no one in the entire world like you, whether that you is in a pristine castle or a dumpy old trailer. You have a heart of gold, an admirable wit, an inspiring work ethic, and unbelievable handwriting. Anna loves you no matter what, and so do all of us who are blessed to have you in our lives.