Mommy Moments: Crossing a different kind of finish line ... again

I crossed the finish line, again!  I made it to a little over a year nursing Charlotte and couldn't be more proud!!  I may have limped and army-crawled my way across the finish line, but I did it, and exceeded my goal. 

But not without the help and support of so many!  I had mastitis more times than you can count on one hand, I lost track of the number of clogged ducts, and if you added up the amount of time I spent pumping, nursing, or washing bottles and/or pump parts, I bet it'd be a pretty big number and I'd think "gee, I could have accomplished something really big and amazing in the same amount of time."  Oh, but wait, I did!  I fed my baby, giving her the best nutrition humanly available, tailored JUST perfectly for her and the exact amounts she needed.  I cut my risk for PPD and various cancers (breast and ovarian), lost the baby weight (and then some) quickly, and I saved about $2,000 in formula costs.  Not to mention that I did something with my baby that no one else in the world can ever replicate.  

There were SO MANY times I wanted to quit.  So.many.times.  Pumping at work was something I dreaded and  washing bottles and pump parts was really the worst of both the breastfeeding and formula-feeding worlds.  There was constant worry about ounces and how long I could be away without being uncomfortable; the looming worry about having to supplement when I couldn't pump enough.  I often felt like I was neglecting Anna while nursing Charlotte, especially during those bedtime sessions that could go on, and on, and on.  There was no sleeping-in or being “off call” for a night during the year (plus) that I nursed. 

But, I wouldn't trade it for anything.  It was my pleasure and a true honor. 

That said,  it was also time for it to end.  Charlotte was finding her independence, my supply was dropping, and, candidly, I was ready for a little “me” time.  Charlotte weaned fairly easily, her evening session was the last to go.  I still remember the first night I rocked her to sleep without nursing her.  It was surreal, but we were both at peace with the new routine.  She always has been, and still is, one of the biggest Mama’s girls you’ll meet, and it's good to know she doesn't hold a grudge. 

Mike and I are truly 50/50 in regard to our thoughts on having another child, and while we don’t know the exact path we’ll take, I do know that I've declared the “spring and summer of Jen” while we decide.  I've gotten back into running, I’m taking strides to ensure I stay healthy and active; I’m wearing “big girl” bras, shirts that aren't easily lifted, and dresses.  None of my clothing unassembles for easy access and I don’t have to worry about accidentally flashing anyone while trying to get my cover-up situated.  And I’m down a bag that has to be packed, washed and repacked every day.

I’d do it again in a heartbeat, and would love to consider supporting national initiatives or even becoming a lactation consultant one day as I’m pretty passionate about getting the word out and supporting the breastfeeding initiative and breastfeeding mothers.  

But, for now, I’m going to enjoy that second glass of wine, I'll enjoy traveling for work without having to worry about needing a fridge in my room, and I don’t mind if I do let Mike sleep in the guest room with both monitors so that I can get a good night’s sleep when sick.  And while I’m at it, I’ll take the “good” cough medicine.  

Because I can. 

** Please note that I make no judgement on Moms that can’t or don’t breastfeed, this is simply a post to document my feelings as a chapter in my life closes, and potentially provide information or support to other Moms.  We're all in this together, us Moms, trying to raise happy and healthy babies! **