Music to my ears

"What are you doing over there, Anna?"

"Just cleaning up a little, Mommy!"

Growin' like a weed (again!): Month eleven

It's getting harder and harder to get these shots as demonstrated by this month's progression ...  No stats, but we'll be back next month to see how much this little one has grown over the past year!

Probably one of the only times you'll see her fussing or crying ... it's no fun having to sit still when you don't want to!

Letter to Charlotte: Month eleven

Dear Charlotte,

This time last year I was in full waddle mode, running after a very active 20 month old and wondering how I was going to manage with a newborn and your sister.  Eleven months later, I can’t imagine my life, our lives, without you.  Your sweet personality, your million dollar smile, those open-mouth kisses and the joy I see through your eyes on a daily basis.  It’s been a crazy eleven months, but in the best sort of way. 

You went from 0 to 60 this month, adding four teeth (for a total of six), starting to speed crawl (you are FAST!) and you’re starting to pull up on anything and everything.  You even look different with your longer hair, those pearly whites, and the devilish grin you have!  At daycare you sit tall among the other babies and it’s hard to believe that you’re a short-timer in the infant room, in just a month or so you’ll be walking (or maybe still crawling) among the “big kids.”  I’m not sure where my little baby went, and although you’re still more than willing to give me snuggles, it’s not long before you see something that needs investigating or exploring. 

You are into everything.  And I mean everything.  Shoes, the cats’ food and water, a pile of clothing, the diaper station, the trash cans, the laundry room.  You name it and you need to be in the thick of it.  The world is truly your oyster and you are dead set on exploring every single inch.  You can cross a room on all fours faster than I can turn around and are always SO proud of yourself, flashing that big, and now toothy, grin.  We’ve also started to see some sibling rivalry rear its ugly head now that you’re more mobile.  Anna is no longer safe to play a distance away from you with her coveted toys, and even in a room full of your own toys, whatever she has is bigger and much better.  You want to be just like her, and although it’s adorable to us, it’s not always adorable to your big sister.  You get lots of Mommy-only time with nursing, so I’ve made an effort to give Anna the same each day, even if it’s just working a puzzle together or reading a few books. 

Speaking of nursing; we’re still at it, but we’re getting close to weaning and you love table food.  We’ve started to expand your palette outside of purees and are exploring lots of table foods cut into small pieces.  You’re a girl after my own heart with your love of carbs – any and all bread.  You also love fruit, most veggies, and cheese.  Really, there’s nothing we’ve given you that you’ve shunned.  You’re not necessarily a graceful eater, more of a “don’t’ want to miss a bite” kind of gal, generally shoving everything you can into that little mouth as fast as you can.  You love to grab a handful of food and then turn your little fist into a funnel, popping in a few bites at a time; mimicking how my Papa used to eat peanuts.  You don’t like protein purees (at all!), so we’re skipping those and moving on to “real meat” and other sources of protein.  It’s such a treat to be in this stage where all food is new and exciting, versus your sister who eats like a bird at some meals and a horse at others with zero consistency.  I’m not sure if you’ll turn into an accidental vegetarian too, but for now we’ll just keep loading that high chair tray and watch in amazement. 

We’ve had A LOT of snow so far this winter and that means we haven’t been able to get out of the house and do quite as much as we’d like.  You have, however, loved touching the snow (and eating it from the sensory table at school) and love watching out the window as Daddy and Anna shovel or build a snowman and can’t wait to be in the middle of the action.  You love your Daddy so much and already have your special games and inside jokes.  He can get you to laugh like no one else, and when he called during a long work trip last week, your face literally lit up when you heard his voice.  It won’t be long before both of you girls are bundled up building a snowman or heading off with a sled. 

Your little personality continues to win the hearts of everyone.  You’re sweet and gentle and are already showing empathy and compassion to your friends at school.  You rarely cry; we mostly hear little fusses here and there to let us know you need more food or want a specific toy.  But, man, you’re not afraid to let us know when you’re upset and have this “yay yay yay” “yell” that you’ll belt out.  It’s as funny as it is serious and it’s usually when we’ve taken away one of Anna’s toys.  You get a red face as you’re yelling at us and start to squirm in an effort to make your point and we usually all end up laughing together.  On the flip side, you LOVE to give us kisses and will do so almost on command.  Yes, they are open mouthed and slobbery, but any of us would sit there all day every day getting them if we could.  And, nothing is sweeter than when you nuzzle that little head on my chest for a rest.  Nothing. 

I can’t tell you how much fun the last 11 months have been, you’ve brought a whole new light and life to our home and I have loved watching you grow.  I look back at your newborn pictures from the first few months, and although you’ve always been a sweetheart, you’ve really come into your own and found your personality.  Your Dad and I talk about the plans we have for you and your sister and what we think you’ll do or become later in life, but we also talk about how much fun we have with you every single day.  Please don’t ever lose your zeal and zest for life, please keep me on my toes, please keep loving with everything you’ve got … and don’t ever stop giving me hugs and kisses!

Love,

Mom

Wordless Wednesday

Puzzling

The girls love puzzles ... ok, maybe Charlotte likes chewing on the pieces more than the actual puzzles, but Anna is developing quite the eye; and with a little help from Mom and Dad (and unsolicited assistance from Charlotte) she's picking up quickly.

It's a bird, it's a plane ...

... it's super duper Anna!  We've had a lot of fun with a blanket that gives Anna super powers ... as soon as she gets home from school she asks for her "super duper blanket" and away she goes.  That is, in between morphing into a mermaid for a few minutes at at time : )

Don't just take my word for it! (a series)

And now it's Charlotte's turn!  She's won the heart of her teachers in the infant room and has the same primary teacher Anna did at her age (we love Miss Patty!!).  She's even made a few friends ... but, I recently got word that she's turned into a little bit of a hair-puller, hopefully it's a phase she grows out of soon.  And, at least she's not the biter, seeing as how she went from two teeth to five in two weeks!!

7/8/13:  Charlotte had a great first day!  Every time I set my eyes on her, memories of Anna came back!  She is such a sweetheart!

7/9/13:  Charlotte gave Miss Patty a belly laugh today!  I was holding a colorfull ball over her head to see and when I touched her belly with it and made a funny noise at the same time, she laughed for us!  So cute!

7/10/13: Charlotte enjoyed doing tummy time in front of the mirror with her friend today!  They were all smiles at each other!

7/18/13:  Your little Charlotte slept right through the fire drill today!  She even had two friends put in her bed with her and wheeled outside in the sun and didn’t wake up until we got back inside! (AHHHMMAZING because she continues to take very short naps at daycare)

7/23/13:  Charlotte got a glimpse of Miss Patty while doing tummy time in front of the mirror and she was all smiles, but she couldn’t’ figure out how I was in two places at the same time!

7/29/13:  Charlotte had fun wearing stacking rings today!  She was doing tummy time with her toys in reach and she managed to put a ring on each arm! So cute!

7/30/13: I love how Charlotte’s face lights up when she sees me coming to get her.  She’s so sweet!

8/6/13: Charlotte gave us a laugh today!  She was laying on her back when she tried to roll to her stomach, got her right arm pinned under her, her tongue out trying to lick the floor and kicking her legs all at the same time.  She’s a multi-tasker!

8/1/13:  Does Charlotte have a jumperoo at home?  Because today she was in the exersaucer and she was moving her feet with much determination, like she was trying to bounce up and down.  It was so cute!

8/19/13:  If Charlotte’s dress is wet when you pick her up, it’s because she insisted on sucking it all day!  I would put a toy in her hand so that she could chew on that instead, but nope, her dress must have tasted better.  I missed her a lot last week! (Miss Patty was on vacation)

8/22/13:  Charlotte was all about her toes today!  Whenever she was on her back, those little legs were up in the air and she had a hold of those cute little piggies.

8/26/13: Charlotte was in a silly mood today!  A couple of times she would laugh out loud (I don’t know why) but when I approached her to see what was so funny, she just gave me her sweet smile.  Love her!

8/27/13:  Charlotte needs to know where I am at all times!  She was lying on the floor and I was sitting in the chair behind her, she turned herself all the way around so that she could see Miss Patty.  So sweet!

8/28/13: Charlotte discovered the spinning circus tent on the exersaucer today!  I’ve never seen her spin it before, but today she got it spinning pretty fast and was mesmerized.

9/20/13: No note … but I must have saved this report because it was the first time Charlotte napped more than 30 minutes at one time; she went 11:40am – 1:05pm!

10/8/13: I think Charlotte knows how to give kisses!  When we kiss her on the cheek and pull away, she tries to kiss us back on the check.  She is just so sweet!

10/10/13: Charlotte took her very first buggy ride at school today!  She sat up like a big girl and looked around at all the pretty flowers and flashed everyone her pretty smile!

10/14/13: It seems like Charlotte doesn’t want to sit up for very long anymore because she immediately tries to lunge forward and roll all over the place.  She up pretty far today like she’s thinking about crawling.  It won’t be long now! (or so we thought … she took about 2 more months, ha)

10/15/13: Charlotte loves going outside on the playground, but she does not like going inside the treehouse, she made it very clear to us!

10/16/13:  I think Charlotte is trying to clap her hands!  After her nap, she was sitting up and she started feeling her belly, then she started to swing her hands like she was trying to clap.  So cute!

10/23/13:  I looked in on Charlotte at naptime to see her throwing her pacifier and putting her thumb in her mouth.  So cute!

10/24/13: Charlotte was raising her heads above her head all day today!  It almost looked like she was trying to clap her hands too.  She was extra smiley today, too!

11/7/13:  Charlotte had fun playing ball with Miss Patty today!  I would roll it to her and she’d pick up and try to taste it.  Pretty funny!

11/11/13:  Miss Patty can really get Charlotte laughing when she’s changing her diaper.  She kind of expects it, so she gets all giddy while she lying there, just waiting for me to tickle her.  (Which is good, because she gets changed A LOT with that functioning digestive system she has)

11/12/13:  Charlotte was giving everyone a Miss America wave today!  She’s never done it before and she put her little hand in the air and waved it around.  Adorable!

11/14/13: Charlotte was sitting at the table watching her friend in the saucer bounce wildly, so she tried to bounce at the table seat.  It was so cute!

11/18/13: (mid-year report) The one word I can use to describe Charlotte is “sweet.”  She is the most easy-going, gentle-natured little girl we’ve ever met.  She’s very smart and loves watching people.  She’s been trying to get on all fours because she wants to crawl very badly, which will be coming very soon!

12/12/13:  Charlotte loves the hair of one of her friends!  Every time he gets near her, she runs her fingers through it (she never pulls it) and she smiles when she does it, which makes it even cuter!

12/16/13:  Charlotte showed off her crawling skills today!  She was so happy that she could go anywhere she wanted to!

12/19/13: Charlotte and Miss patty had lots and lots of cuddle time today!  She didn’t want to play of move too much, so she got lots of holding and hugs.  Miss Patty didn’t mind that at all.  What a sweetheart! (this was your first day back at school after being out two days with your stomach bug)

1/2/13: Charlotte had lots of fun today!  I think she missed her friends and teachers!  I was trying to cheer-up one of Charlotte’s friends and I stated saying “if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands” and your Charlotte joined in and started clapping her hands right on que – it was SO cute!

1/6/13:  Charlotte is starting to come out of her shell a bit!  She was Miss socialable, interacting with her friends and being a silly goose all day!

1/7/13:  Charlotte loves Miss Patty’s shoestrings!  Whenever I’m standing still or sitting still, she’s right there trying to pull them off my shoes!

1/9/13:  Charlotte wanted to make a lot of noise today!  She found out that if she hits the front doors on the changing tables it makes noise, so she spent most of the day exploring that part of the room.

1/16/13: The morning Miss Patty was pretending to talk on the phone and Charlotte did exactly the same thing and she was chatting away.  It was so cute!

Don't just take my word for it! (a series)

As I looked through the big stack of daily reports that I've saved over the past seven months, I first thought that I'm borderline hoarder and may need to look into a program ... but then, as I started to read through the words that gave me a glimpse into the girls' time while we are away, I was SO happy that I've kept them.  These are Anna's notes from the summer into early winter and you'll see the recurring theme around her love of song and all things singing related.  She sang loud and proud in the Turtle classroom, figuratively and literally starting to find her voice.  She's still a shy child, but will speak up and stand her ground when she needs to, and wins the heart of every single one of her teachers.  I'm constantly stopped in the hall and told how sweet, kind and polite she is to everyone that interacts with her on any level.  My heart beams with pride when I hear that we may just be doing something right as a parent.  I'm also amazed at how far she's come verbally, not necessarily in her vocabulary (although that's grown), but her sentence structures are much more advanced than the 3-4 word descriptors she was using back in June.

6/25/13: Anna enjoyed gym time today as we did our egg experiment.  She clapped and giggled over every egg dropped, whether it cracked or not. 

6/27/13:  Anna enjoyed dancing today.  She would march around to the music and then go the carpet and say “look we’re spinning!” over and over again.

7/3/13:  Anna loved pretending to make food and eat it while outside in the house with her teacher and friends.  She said “here Miss Hanna, yummy food!”

7/8/13:  Anna loved purses today.  Any small toy she found she would do her best to shove it into her overflowing purse.

7/9/13:  Anna had such a great day! She loved watching our homemade volcano erupt.  When it was all done she said “the lava’s in the ‘cano!!”

7/10/13:  Anna was so funny outside during water day.  She and Audrey would run through the sprinkler to get to the house, just screaming and laughing, then hide from the water, trying not to get wet – doing this over and over.

7/12/13:  Anna might be a softball player the way she slides!  Outside Anna loves running with friends and then all of the sudden she will drop to the ground on purpose like a softball slide to home plate!

7/19/13:  Anna really enjoyed the magic show today.  Her eyes lit up and she had a huge smile.  She clapped and tried to inch closer. (A BIG for you given that she generally hates strangers, especially those dressed up)

7/22/13:  Anna is so cute when she wants a turn at something.  She runs up yelling, “Anna’s turn, Anna’s turn, please!” : )

7/23/13: Anna loves playing games with her teachers.  Like pretending she is “gone” when she hides behind her teacher or under a blanket.  She laughs to hard when you say “Where did Anna go?  I don’t see her!!”

7/29/13:  Anna loved running with her friends today.  She would tell them “Hey, let’s go run, run, go!”

7/30/13:  Anna enjoyed playing “follow me” with her teachers and friends.  Anna liked it so much she had to be right in the front by Miss Hannah doing all the moves.  When a friend got close, she said “no, ME!” (Anna LOVED Miss Hannah!)

7/31/13:  Anna said “what’s that, what’s that?” every time she came across bugs outside.  Her eye lit up with excitement and she was determined to get an answer from her teachers.

8/1/13:  Anna was so cute as she put on a bandana and the lady bug outfit.  She said “pretty” as she pointed to herself and she liked it so much she had to keep it on for lunch, nap and outside time.  (She was wearing this on the playground when I arrived to pick her up that day)

8/2/13:  Anna loves singing our “jumping” song.  She will patiently wait until we call her name and then she stands up and says “Anna’s turn!!!”  So funny!

8/8/13:  Anna loved exploring her pockets today.  Anna put flowers in her pockets, then would push her hands as far as she could and started dancing and spinning.  So cute!

8/13/13:  Anna was so cute at snack time today; she started singing “twinkle twinkle” and then clapped for herself when she was done.  (Sounds about right!  We got a nightly performance from Anna during this phase!)

8/14/13: Anna enjoys running outside.  She’d run up to a friend or teacher and say “run run!” then take of chasing of being chased, and laughing so hard.  (Anna’s ALL TIME favorite game of summer 2013)

8/15/13: Anna enjoyed the petting zoo today!  She made sure to pet as many farm animals as she could!

8/19/13:  Anna was a singing machine today!  ¾ of the day she did nothing but sing with her teachers, with her friends, and by herself.  Twinkle twinkle was the song sung the most : )

8/21/13:  Anna was being so funny at naptime today.  She thought it was the funniest thing to close her eyes and pretend she was sleeping then all of the sudden, jump up with wide eyes and say “boo!”  (I love how sweet they are – clearly this was a disruption, ha)

8/22/13:  Anna loved being in the tree house outside and just singing “twinkle twinkle” so loud with her friends.

8/26/13:  During art, Anna got super excited when she heard the ABC song come on the CD.  She said “oh, ABCs!” and then started singing loudly.

8/28/13:  Anna was a little parrot today.  For most of the day she was right next to her teacher, trying to sneak up on her, and then repeating everything Miss Hannah said.

9/25/13:  Anna enjoyed exploring all the pictures on our all today.  Every time we pointed to her picture, she would yell “that’s Anna!” and clap.  (they sent home the cutest pictures of the kids in this class – I loved seeing her day on film!)

10/2/13: Anna loved playing with the babies today.  She was patting two babies at one time and said “Ahhhh, babies are sleeping.  Help me pat Miss Hannah.”

10/3/13: Anna liked exploring the kitchen center today.  “Mac n cheese” is what she made the most.  “Yum yum, eat it!” she kept telling Miss Hannah.

10/10/13:  Anna was glad to see her friend Audrey today!  As soon as Audrey walked in, Anna ran to her and yelled “Audrey, you are back and not sick!”

10/11/13:  Anna liked playing on the slide on the playground.  When Anna got to the top, she’d yell “Audrey come with me!” and they went down right next to each other. 

10/14/13:  Anna had a huge interest in a squished spider outside today.  Anna kept telling all her friends to “come look spider” as she kept stepping on it over and over.

10/15/13:  Anna is a big fan of chasing her teacher around with a dinosaur!  She cracks up as she funs after her teaching saying “I get you!”

10/16/13:  Anna liked taking the bells and shaking them with her friends and singing jingle bells.

10/30/13:  Anna liked exploring the Halloween spiders.  She would take one and say “it’s going to get you!” and then laugh.

10/31/13:  Anna loved dancing with Audrey to Halloween music today.  They were so cute, both dressed as Minnie Mouse!

11/6/13:  Anna was excited when she found a caterpillar outside today.  She picked it right up, laughing, and then went and showed it to all of her friends.  (Thank goodness you didn’t stand around stomping on this one!)

11/7/13:  Anna loves to dance and it’s so cute to watch her bust a move.  As soon as music comes on, Anna is the first to dance and will yell “come on everyone, let’s dance!!”

11/8/13:  Anna was all about doing things herself today.  Every few minutes when her nose would start to run, she’d say “I need a tissue.  I do it myself.  Because I said so!”  Very funny.

11/11/13:  Anna enjoyed showing her friends how to do yoga on the mat today.  “No, like this” or “Do this one” she would tell her friends as they followed.  (Hilarious – a natural leader emerges!)

11/12/13:  Anna did a GREAT job on the balance beam today with no help and used both feet. Super job!!  (She had been working on this for a while and would get nervous if other children were around you – we were very proud!)

11/14/13:  Anna and her friend have cute imaginations!  Anna and Audrey took turns laying on the bean bag and patting each other to sleep.  Very sweet!

11/15/13:  (end of class note) Anna has been a blast to have in the Turtle room and she has grown so much since she moved over.  Anna has many words and she uses them all the time, which is great.  She talks to her friends and her teachers about everything, always asking “what are you doing?” or “why?”  Anna loves to sing!  Singing has to be one her favorite things to do!  Anna makes sure to sing loud and proud, and it’s very cute.  Anna is very smart and will do even better as she moves on up.

11/18/13:  Anna loved the little clementine pieces over the apple slices in science today.  It was a clear winner.  She’s a great addition to our room, welcome!  (First day in the manatee classroom!)

12/6/13:  Anna loved giving high-5s to Santa when he visited today.  (Apparently she circled him for quite a while and then deemed him high-5 worthy, but went nowhere near sitting on his lap)

12/18/13:  Anna was so pleased with herself when she figured out how to make shadow puppets with the battery candles today.

12/19/13:  Anna was a MESS after lunch!  She must have thoroughly enjoyed every bite – Yumm!!  (Mac n cheese day … you better believe she enjoyed it!)

12/20/13:  Anna loved playing outside today.  She was so happy, she started singing “up on the housetop.”

1/6/14:  Anna had some of the cutest sound effects today while playing with play dough.  (This was also your first day in underwear all day!!)

1/8/14:  Anna was very patient waiting for her popcorn treat!  She didn’t want to come get it and waited for Miss Lisa to bring it to her. (She loves Miss Lisa!!  And, LOVED watching the Polar Express at school this day – we heard about it all evening)

1/10/14:  Anna loves to sing the words to “twinkle twinkle” – she’s a little musician!

1/13/14:  Anna loved doing the silly finger play with Miss Liz!  She was so wide-eyed and cute as we all learned it in special enrichment.

1/16/14: Anna loved building with the snap blocks on the carpet today.  She gathered up all the purple ones to use those first : )

1/17/14:  Anna was a food stylist at lunch today.  She rearranged all of the applesauce on her plate to a different slot very tediously.  It was interesting to observe : )

You read the previous installments by clicking here and here.  

She works hard(est) for the money

We start 'em young around here ... already computing whatever babies need to be computing.  Just like her sister ... click here and here.  At least we have a flexible work arrangement and give them the option to work from home : )

The calm

There's a certain calm in an oncology office.  No one is upset or angry because they've had to wait, they aren't grumbling because it's too hot or too cold or because their needle stick hurt more than normal or because their labs are taking longer to run or because their favorite chair was taken.

If you're a patient in that office, you're just happy to be alive.

I still see my oncologist every 3-4 months for routine bloodwork and a physical examination.  And, almost like clockwork, I start to question my health before these appointments.  A bruise that I've seen lingering a little too long or an enlarged lymph node or just being overly tired.  Self-research is dangerous and I've learned that Dr. Google is the worst form.  There's very little that's been published on CLL in patients of my age, and even less on what happens when (not if) there's a relapse.  I'm not cured, they don't know what caused my disease, and they don't know when it will return nor in what form.

Because my doctor is great at what she does, she's very busy and usually running behind, meaning that I spend quite a bit of time waiting in a quiet room on the days of my appointment.  After the pleasantries are exchanged with the receptionists (they always remember me by name) and the medical assistants, I usually have some time to myself to reflect.  I reflect on what I was doing this time eight years ago ... I'd just met Mike, was going through chemo and thinking about the future.  I reflect on what a blessing the last eight years have been ... engaged, married, two beautiful daughters, a roof over our head and financially stable.  Then my mind wanders into dark places ... when will the cancer return?  How would it look if I was going through chemo?  Who would help with the girls?  What would I miss?  Would they be able to get me to a state of remission again?  Would I be alive at the end of the fight?  The what-ifs usually start to overwhelm me just as my doctor makes her way to my room and then the calm sets in again.  She reviews my labs, performs the physical exam and we talk about any of the random symptoms or concerns that I've noted since my last visit.  We always end up talking about our children and catching up on random happenings in our lives like old friends.

Unless you've been there, I don't think you can understand exactly what it's like to have this constant fear in the back of your mind.  And that's OK.  Everyone has their own battles.  I don't know what it's like to live with depression, or be be an armed forces veteran, or to live with a chronic condition that affects your everyday life, or to want children with a passion only to have reproductive problems; my specialty is an incurable cancer.  What's important is that we all band together for each other in this crazy world ... a kind thought, an encouraging word, a prayer, a hug, showing empathy, or offering support.  Everyone has a struggle and it's easy to judge, but it's a lot easier to support.

I pass the treatment room on my way out of the office and generally linger there for half a second before moving on.  Everyone is hooked up to an IV, some don't have their hair, most look tired and some look weak; but they all have hope in their eyes and a smile on their face.  I wish society were more like the patients at the oncologist's office: happy to be alive, hopeful, patient, and understanding ... and I feel lucky that I'm surrounded by people that share these same beliefs and lift me up on a daily basis.

My next appointment happens to fall on my EIGHT year remission birthday ... I think I'll celebrate by taking cupcakes to the treatment room and spreading a little cheer.  And maybe, even if just for a minute, someone else's "what ifs" will disappear.