Puppet Master

Letter to Charlotte: Month One

Dear Charlotte,

I can’t believe it’s already time to start our letters, what a crazy month it’s been for everyone!  I started writing to your sister when she was born and hope to keep up the tradition as long as possible.  The truth is that you kiddos seem to grow by leaps and bounds and I love being able to look back and remember all of the fun we've had.  And, if the past is any indication, we’re going to be having A LOT of fun! 

You’re the younger sister and throughout your life you’ll be compared and contrasted to your older sister constantly, and for that I apologize in advance, but sadly, I think it’s simply a fact of life for you.  That being said, in just a few short weeks, you've proven to everyone that you are most certainly your own person, have a charismatic personality in the making, and will definitely be giving us a ride for our money.  Starting with your looks, you surprised us right out the gate; I never thought it would be possible to have a child with my coloring, but here you are, fair skinned, light haired and absolutely gorgeous.  You have delicate, feminine features and I simply can’t wait to see you grow into your own skin.

So far you've excelled at everything related to being a baby.  You are a super star eater, REALLY excel at peeing and pooping (nothing is more hilarious than seeing your Dad change four of your diapers in a row), love a good nap, and do a wonderful job at making cute baby faces.  You’re a squirmy girl and love to make noises, I wish I could say they were sweet little coos, and sometimes they are, but more often than not you’re grunting and stretching with all of your might.  The first few nights at home I laid next to you worried that you were about to start wailing as you settled in to sleep after a feeding, but finally I realized those were just you getting nestled in for a long nap.  You’re a good sleeper, still bunking with us in your bassinet, but likely ready to spread your wings and head to your “big girl” bed soon.  You’re still up to feed every 3-4 hours, but sometimes I think a dirty diaper is the culprit in waking you up.  You don’t cry often, and if you do it’s usually because you have a dirty diaper (you REALLY hate a dirty diaper and I guess I can’t blame you), or we’re taking too long to change that dirty diaper, or occasionally you’ll let out a half yelp, half cry to let me know that you’re ready to move onto another activity outside of tummy time or picture time. 

Everything about you is tiny and perfect and I could sit and stare at you all day long.  I’m constantly amazed at how your features are so defined, yet miniature at the same time.  I love nothing more than to stare at your little hands as you grab my finger while nursing, or to count your toes and act out “this little piggy” with those adorable feet; we've also been known to get those chicken legs going as we start up a dance party.  You have a myriad of little faces that I see at times during the day, my favorite is the half-smile you’ll show after you've finished eating and are settling in for a snooze.  You were born about half a pound smaller than your sister, but at your 5-day check-up weighed several ounces more than she did at hers, I can’t wait to see if you grow in a similar fashion, but have to think you may be one to pack on the pounds a little faster given the attention you give to eating. 

Your sister Anna is one of your biggest fans, although it took her a few days to come around.  She tells you hello and goodbye when she enters a room and asks for you if you’re not around.  Right now you’re “Baby Char” to her, but she’s working hard on your full name.  She’s started sharing her “food” with you and has been known to put on a puppet show for your entertainment, she’s also all over the location of your pacifier and makes sure to always bring it to you if it’s out of arm’s reach.  She always gives you a kiss before bed and wishes you “night night” in her sweet little voice. You two will have many ups and downs over the years, but first and foremost you’re going to be best friends and will have each other’s back through thick and thin and I can’t wait to watch this unfold.  

Right out of the womb the doctor did his initial check, your Dad helped cut your cord and you were then placed on my chest and you stayed there for over an hour while we got to know each other.  For the second time in my life I fell in love instantly.  And then you peed on me.  Twice.  As if I tell me who was really boss in this relationship.  I remember staring down at you, so proud that I’d given you life and totally in awe that God had put me in charge of now sustaining your life.  I was also a little overwhelmed.  There’s a lot your Dad and I don’t know about having two girls, heck there’s a lot we don’t know about having one girl, and we’re bound to make mistakes along the way and you’ll question what we’re doing or why we’re making you do things on a routine basis.  But then I remembered the one thing I knew you’d never be able to question.  Our unconditional love.  We loved you the day we found out I was pregnant and that love grows more and more each day, and that love will never falter.  You’ll always be my little girl. 

Love,

Mom

Sweet tooth

Grandma and Pap Pap came to visit a few weeks ago and in addition to food provisions that lasted us a week, the ability to take over early morning wake-ups with Anna, and generally being way more fun than Mom and Dad, they also brought cupcakes!  Yes, cupcakes with an exclamation point!  It was St Patrick's Day, so it was only fitting that they be iced and then topped with green sprinkles; luckily they had a resident sweet tooth that was willing to help out, even if she was a little disappointed that the taste testing wasn't the first step : )

Carry On

I don't want to invoke a pity party with this post, but the last four weeks have been four of the craziest, most emotional, and most physically taxing that I can remember in quite a while.  It started with Anna sharing a cold with me the weekend before Charlotte arrived; then there was the whole two-day labor and subsequent recovery of birthing a child, including passing several ridiculously-sized blood clots and post-partum hormones; an eye infection that popped up as I'm still dealing with that pesky cold; our toddler came home with a fever that turns into the early stages of a stomach virus that led to projectile vomit and some of the most vile diapers I've ever changed; and over the past five days Mike and I have been dealing with the same stomach virus, and for me, it's on top of the cold that won't die and an eye infection that apparently wants to stick around too.  Oh yeah, and we have two kids under the age of two.

FUN. TIMES.

All of that said, the last four weeks have been some of the most fun, most honest, most humbling, and most rewarding of my life.  There's a popular song out right now, Carry On by the group fun; I hear it quite often as HGTV is the background for at least half of my 100 nursing sessions each day (OK, maybe it's not that many, but some days it feels like that) and they're using it in several promotional commercials.  When the song came on my iPod yesterday it got me thinking, and because I'm still hormonal it also had me tearing up; things have been crazy with a capital C, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Not ANYTHING.  Instead I'll Carry On and will find the bright side to the cards I've been dealt at the moment.  I can't imagine what I'd do with my time if I wasn't thinking about the next nursing session, or checking to see if my shirt has breast-milk or spit-up stains on it before leaving the house, or if we had enough toddler-approved food at home, or if we needed more diapers, or when I may sleep for more than two hours at a time again.  OK, maybe I'd take the world's longest nap; but when I woke up, I'd feel lost and alone.  At that moment, that song made me realize what a  metaphor those two little words were for life in general.  Things get crazy, they don't always go as planned, but what a blessing it is to live each and every day, to be able to carry on.

So, for now, I'm going to go nurse my little girl who turns one month old this weekend, check my shirt for stains, and if the stars align, we may leave the house and hit up the local coffee shop drive-thru for a smoothie this afternoon.  And, for me, today, that's just perfect.

This smile ...

... the reason that I Carry On each day!

Wordless Wednesday: Slip slidin' away

Charlotte Arrives!

You may remember from reading here that I was scheduled to be induced on Monday, March 4, which meant we expected to meet our little girl on Tuesday, March 5.  Well ... the best laid plans, as they say.  Due to a very busy L&D department, we were rescheduled for Tuesday morning and thanks to a very stubborn little girl, didn't meet our Charlotte Rose until Wednesday, March 6.  They also say that everything happens for a reason, and I truly believe that’s the case here.  Because of our “delay,” Charlotte shares a birthday with my maternal grandmother, Anna’s namesake, and I can't think of a more appropriate way to remember such a special woman. 

The labor process was loooooong ... starting at 9am on Tuesday and ending at 2:20pm on Wednesday.  I guess it’s a compliment that both of my girls enjoyed their tenure in the womb so much that they didn't want to leave?  I was given Cytotec for about 10 hours in hopes that it would both help me dilate and start mild contractions.  When that yielded minimal results, we moved to Pitocin and eventually manually broke my water.  All of that combine with walking the halls, some precarious positioning by my nurse, and the fact that Charlotte finally read her eviction notice, led to us meeting our newest angel on a snowy afternoon in March.  I saw a total of five nurses, two OBs (I outlasted the 24 hour shift of the OB that scheduled me and wound up delivering with the same OB that delivered Anna), and felt like I may never leave that labor room. 

But, of course, it was all worth it!  I pushed for about 30 minutes (versus the 3 hours with Anna) and had a much better epidural this time around;  I could feel enough to wiggle my toes and the pressure of contractions, it was actually really neat to feel the urge to push and to know that I was doing it right.  As soon as she’d been given a quick once-over by the OB and nurse, Charlotte was handed to me and stayed on my chest for over an hour.  The nurses assessed her APGAR scores as I held her, and within 10 minutes of birth she was nursing ... she also peed on me twice during her first hour of life, but I was so happy in that moment that I didn't care one bit.  It was amazingly serene and almost seemed too quiet this time around; we didn't have any family at the hospital, so Mike quickly sent text messages to our parents with the news.  Because the newborn nurse hadn't yet taken her from me, we didn't even have weight or length information, but knew she was 100% T-totally perfect. 

This recovery has been much harder than I remember with Anna; probably because with Anna I didn't have an “Anna” : )  Without getting into too much graphic detail, I've had a higher level of pain and don’t feel as I though I recovered nearly as quickly; I've also felt much more hormonal and utterly exhausted at times.  It doesn't help that one, or all, of us has been dealing with a cold for what feels like the last three months; I *really* wish we’d purchased stock in the Kleenex company right about now!  But, I feel better each day, we’re all adjusting and new routines are slowly finding their way into our lives.

At the end of the day, the memories of an uncomfortable pregnancy, a long labor, a more difficult recovery, the lack of sleep, the craziness of hormones, and working to find new routines are completely overshadowed by the fact that I’m now the mother to two of the sweetest and most perfect little girls in the world.  I’m SO grateful that God chose me to be their Mother and can’t wait for all of the adventures that lie ahead!

Love at first sight!

 

For those of you that stuck around to the end ... we had family pictures taken in our home over the weekend, for a sneak peek, click here.  

Introducing Charlotte Rose

Apologies for the delay, but we've got a new member of our family that deserves a formal introduction ...

Please meet Miss Charlotte Rose!  Born on Wednesday, March 6 at 2:20pm, weighing 6 pounds, 9 ounces and checking in at 19 3/4 inches, not to mention 100% perfect!  I'll share her full labor story, the details on her name, and more pictures from her first few days of life in a few days just as soon as I can, but in the meantime here are some shots from her week-old birthday for you to enjoy ... I wish I could share that new baby smell over the computer, but you'll just have to imagine it for yourself : )

Letter to Anna: Month twenty-two

Dear Anna,

What a month!  I’m going to take the liberty of saying that this month has been the most eventful of your short life ... you gained a sister!  I’m not sure you see the true significance now, but when you grow older and look back I know you’ll agree with me.  So far you’ve handled the transition very well; we’re all still working out our new routines and learning to live life with another tiny human at home. 

Obviously coming home with a newborn made me realize just how grown-up my “little girl” is in comparison, but outside of that, I truly think you’ve grown by leaps and bounds this past month.  We were in the hospital for 4 days and 3 nights and your Gigi stayed at home to keep you company ... although I think it was you that did most of the entertaining as well as successfully wearing her out at the end of each day.  We thought we might bring you to the hospital to meet your sister, but in the end it seemed like a lot of car time (40 minutes each way) and work for a short visit ... not to mention that I wouldn’t be able to lift you or go home with you and we didn't want to cause more harm than good.  Your Dad wound up trading off with Gigi one evening and treated you to a Daddy-Daughter date on the town; it was the perfect solution and also allowed your Gigi to get some baby snuggles.  When I arrived home on Friday afternoon, having last seen you at bedtime Monday, I swear it was like someone had traded my baby toddler girl with a grown up.  Physically you seemed HUGE, but mentally you had developed SO much in just a few days.  I feel like your vocabulary doubled in size, your mannerisms were more purposeful and thought-out, and I had a brief vision of packing you up for college the next day, which of course made me tear up. 

Those first few days were hard for both of us.  I was dealing with post-partum hormones, the new responsibility of a baby and a toddler, and still trying to figure out how I’d be able to make enough time for both of my girls throughout the day.  You were very clingy with me and very tentative around Charlotte, both are reactions we expected.  We’re all getting more comfortable as each day passes, it will take time for everyone to adjust ... and then as soon as we are in a new groove, something will change.  You've been going to school about half the time and I think the schedule there, as well as the interaction with other children your age, is just what you need during this time of change. 

You are talking SO MUCH these days and I love it.  Most of what you say we can understand, but there are times that you will have a full blown conversation with us or one of the cats, talking to fast that you are out of breath at the end of the monologue, where we have NO CLUE what just came out of your mouth.  As long as we seem to pay attention and nod in all the right places, you don’t seem to notice and I just hope we’re not promising anything we can’t live up to in a few years.  You imitate most words we say if they aren't already part of your vocabulary and love to use them in real-time as soon as you can.  Your Gigi was so proud of herself at the end of her week with you that she’s learned most of your vocabulary and I must say that I really enjoy being part of the secret club that knows what you are saying and gets to translate to others.   You still use “meeeeee” or “miiiiiinnnneee” when there’s something you want, but can’t find the word ... or, for some reason, those are the only words you will use when you want a banana. 

You are hilarious and have the cutest personality of anyone I know, or course I’m biased, but others agree, so I can’t be too far off the mark.  You have too many mannerisms to list here, but one of my favorites is all of the different walks you have.  You will walk away from us, turn your head back, tell us “buh bye” and then go off in some silly walk that just cracks us up.  You have the “baby steps” walk, the “penguin” walk, the “slouch” walk, the “gimp leg” walk, the half run, and the full run.  You love to enter a room and tell us “Hewwwwoooo” and announce your exit with a “BUH BYE.”  You’ve also started using “ta da” in your everyday play ... anytime you do something worthy of it, you’ll finish an activity or run into a room, will flail your arms out to your side and exclaim “TA DA”, we love it!  You LOVE to play with the cats are often times more elated to see them than us upon arriving home.  We’re working on using words to express frustration and ask for help and you’re getting there.  You can work your puzzles like a champ and love to see if we’re paying attention by occasionally placing a piece in the wrong spot and then looking for a reaction.

Although you’re still warming up to your little sister, you continue to be a great Mommy to your babies.  Your Paw Paw brought you a very realistic baby bear this month and you have taken your role as his caretaker VERY seriously.  He’s the first thing you look for when you wake up, you loved feeding him with his bottle until you lost it, will rock him in your chair, and even put him in Charlotte’s bouncy chair when she’s not lounging there.  You’ve held Charlotte a few times and are showing more interest each day.  We’re working on her name, but right now she’s “Baby Char” to you.   

You’re starting to recognize family members and place faces with names.  You’ve known how to say and associate “Gigi” for quite some time (to be fair, it’s pretty easy to pronounce), but this past month have started to associate Paw Paw, Pap Pap and are working on Grandma (Ma Ma, or Mimi, maybe?).  Your Paw Paw took you (and Daddy) to the circus and I almost melted when he arrived at our house, you saw him walk in the front door and exclaimed “Hi Paw Paw!!” and then ran over to see him. 

You’ll hear about Charlotte’s birth (as well as your own) many times throughout the years, but one thing I’ll always remember that may not make the full story is how sad and nostalgic I was to leave for the hospital.  We were delayed a day for my induction due to a full L&D department, but since your Gigi was already in town and we were ready, your Dad and I took advantage with a dinner-out on Monday.  Upon returning home, you were already in bed and we’d anticipated seeing you in the morning; however the doctor called and scheduled us for a 7:30am arrival the next day.  I went to tell your Gigi about this and immediately broke down in tears as the thought of not being able to tell you good-bye in the morning (there was a chance you’d be up, but we didn’t want to wake you if you weren’t).  It wasn’t just not seeing you, though, it was knowing that I’d leave you as an only child and come back with your sibling.  I knew we’d figure things out as a family, but was scared to death of having to share my love, I just couldn’t imagine it going any further.  You are one of the loves of my life and I didn’t know how I’d share that love with another human.  I’m still figuring that out, we all are, but we’re getting there.  You will always be a love in my life, and I will always be sad to leave you, sad to see experiences and moments in our lives slip away to memories; but I know that what’s ahead is going to be even more amazing than what we’ve already been through.  And I can’t wait to share that, and all of my love, with my very first baby girl. 

Love, 

Mom

Accessorizing

Coco Chanel was once quoted as saying "When accessorizing, always take off the last thing you put on."  Not sure if Anna heeded that sage advice when accessorizing on this day, we've got a tutu, apron, chef's hat, and a purse along with some pretty sweet PJs : )

Baby Bump: 39 weeks

I'm officially 39 weeks pregnant today, a week "more pregnant" than I was with Anna.  I'm still being watched for pre-eclampsia and had a non stress test, blood work and check-up the past two Fridays.  As of last Friday everything looked good as far as the baby's heart rate and swelling were concerned, but my blood pressure was elevated and a few counts were still "off" according to the labs.  After discussing with my doctor, we decided it was best to schedule an induction for this week to ensure the baby continued to stay safe ... sooooo, I have an appointment at the hospital for 4pm tomorrow, Monday, to start the process, but we'll likely not meet our little girl until Tuesday.

I was off work last week and can honestly say that we feel as ready as we're going to be to make our family of three into a family of four.  I've cooked and cleaned and done laundry, painted trim and even saw a movie.  We've had tons of fun with Anna, our bags are packed, and lists are made.  All this said, the one thing I know I'll never be prepared for is for my heart to double in size.  I've gotten fairly emotional over the past week just thinking of the joy this baby will bring to our lives and I can't even begin to fathom what it will feel like to fall in love all over again.  I'm a little nervous, but mostly excited and counting down the hours.  If we're friends on Facebook, you'll probably see that announcement first, but I'll be sure to post additional details here as soon as we're home and settled ... I may even get crazy and attempt to post a few pictures via my Blogger app : )

No comparison this week ... last pregnancy picture!  

The moment my heart first melted upon meeting Anna ... can't wait to do it all over again!