I run for life

Today is truly a celebration of freedom for me. Nine years ago today was the last day I was free from the burden of having cancer. The night of July 4, 2005 I laid in bed listening to the fireworks as I dozed off to sleep wondering what my future might look like after surgery the next day.  I could never have imagined how it would change, both good and bad.  On July 5, 2005 I had a routine exploratory surgery to understand why I was breathing like Darth Vader. I went into the surgery knowing there was a slight, 1%, chance it was cancer, but because I had no other symptoms that was a long shot.

Turns out it was cancer.

I woke up from surgery to the news being relayed to me by my Mom. I was in a daze for the next few days as my Mom made calls, kept me hopped up on pain pills, and made arrangements for the first rounds of oncology appointments. My Dad came down later in the week, hopped me up on fried chicken and pizza, and pain pills, and I remember sitting on my back porch realizing the world would never be the same.

And it hasn't been. But, I've kept my glass filled half full and I made lemonade! I beat cancer a little over eight years ago. I never asked "why me," and I never got mad at God or the Universe. I fought hard and won, the first round, at least. I'm not cured, but I'm healthy for now and doing everything I can to make sure that we see a cure for cancer in my lifetime.

One of the ways I'm making a difference is through my involvement with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. An amazing organization that has led to so many advances in not only blood cancer treatments, but treatments for a wide range of other cancers. Since 2005 I've volunteered my time and raised over $22,000 for LLS.  I've been an honored hero for the TNT program, have participated in a full and half marathon through the TNT program, and most recently became involved with the Man & Woman of the Year (MWOY) campaign through committee membership and was the Woman of the Year honored hero for the 2014 campaign. The video below was featured at the grand finale gala held on May 30 and also features Spencer Wade as the Man of the Year honored hero.  As part of the campaign, I'll be featured on a billboard in Cincinnati in a few weeks.  

And, I'm at it again. I'm running a half marathon (13.1 miles!) with the Team in Training (TNT) program while raising money for the LLS, and asking my readers for their support and encouragement. I've recruited three friends to be my running buddies (we're Moms on a Mission!) and we're training for the Queen Bee half marathon in Cincinnati on October 11!

This time around is a little different than the last time I fundraised for TNT in 2009; since then I've been a *little* busy getting married and raising two beautiful daughters while working full time, and still finding time for the fun things in life. This time around is also different because I have a new perspective on why it's important to continue to help raise funds and awareness for cancer research and patient support. I celebrated eight years of remission in May, but I'm not cured and my fight with cancer is never far from my mind; but now that I'm a mother and wife, my concern has shifted from simply "what will my treatments look like when / if my cancer returns and will I be able to beat it again?" to "will I be able to fight this horrible disease again while also caring for my family?"

With "free time" at a premium, you may wonder why I've decided to train for a half marathon. Yes, it will be hard to fit 4-5 weekly runs and cross training sessions into my schedule (that's what 5am and 9pm are for, right? seriously, that's when I'm training). Yes, I'm older, my joints have a stiffness about them, I'm less flexible and more jiggly. And, no, I don't plan to set a personal record or be at the top of my age group when results are tallied. Quite simply, I'm running and fundraising because I CAN. There were SO MANY days when I was waging my war against cancer where I had to say "I can't." Because the drugs made my body weak, because I was too sick, because I needed to rest and recover. But not anymore, now that I CAN, I'm running for life! For my own life, for the lives of all that have lost their battle to cancer, for those that are still waging their war against cancer, and for all of the heroes I've met along the way.

I'm proof positive that research leads to results! You can read about the details of how LLS has made my life possible, literally, and how they funded research to fund the advancement of a drug that can be used if/ when my CLL returns:  CLICK HERE.  I know that times are tight, but you don't have to dig deep to make a difference; $5, $10, $20 will help! And if you can't donate, I'll gladly take words of encouragement as I train for the half marathon.

I don't outwardly celebrate my diagnosis date, there's no reason to, but I do remember the feelings I had on July 4, 2005, and the day after when I heard the news, and the day my oncologist pronounced (during a routine appointment) that I needed to start chemo right away, and the days I was dead tired from chemo, and the days I wanted nothing more than to be healthy again ... and I remember the day I heard that the chemo had worked; and now I'm living the life of someone that's waiting for the cancer to return. I remember how I felt on all of those days. And if I can keep someone from having to feel the pangs of "what if" after hearing the words "you have cancer"; well, then running 13.1 miles and asking shamelessly for donations will all be worth it. 

Someday is closer than you think.

CLICK HERE TO DONATE

Wordless Wednesday

Daredevil

This little one may darn well give me a heart attack one of these days ...

A princess and her queens

A little late in posting, this is from way back at Princess Anna's birthday party!

Ring around the rosie!

Nothing is more fun than ring-around-the-rosie with these two girls!  

Anna wanted to Gigi to join them in the video, so sweet!

What's behind the curtain?

Letter to Anna: Month thirty-seven

Dear Anna,

You’re in a stage where you’re constantly surprising us and challenging us, usually in a good way, and I feel amazed and blessed each day to be your Mommy.  Not always every second of every day, like when you’re correcting me or arguing with me over the tense of a verb or when I’ve asked you to do something for the fifth time; but in the quiet moments when I’m putting you to bed, in the moment when you see me walk into your room at school and you dart to me with open arms, in the moments when you remember something we talked about a few days before, or when you snuggle up with me on the couch.

 You’re growing so much every day!  I could swear that you grow an inch a day and will be looking down on me by your fourth birthday.  Just the other day you were walking around the kitchen and picked something off the island, your Dad point out that you hadn’t even had to get a stool or stand on your tip toes and we both just stood there and stared in amazement.  You’re also growing into a polite young lady and have mastered the skill of using please and thank you very nicely.  One day recently you asked if you could wear your “princess dress” that day and I had to say “no” as it was a school day; but reconsidered when you responded “can I please wear my princess dress after I get up, and get dressed, and get ready, and brush my teeth, pretty please?”  There was no way I could turn that down, so you were a princess until you left for school that day.

You and your sister have a love affair with each other and it’s amazing to watch your relationship grow each day.  Nothing makes Charlotte smile like seeing you and no one is more fun to play with in her book.  You guys have a game called 1-2-3 that is played in our bed or your bed almost daily.  It’s a pretty simple game; you stand at the head of the bed and free-fall backwards.  But the part you two have perfected is the infectious giggle that comes right after you land safely.  You turn to each other and just die laughing and it’s the cutest sight and sound ever.  Although she’s still working to get a little steadier on her feet, you love to try to dance together and do ring-around-the-rosie.  She follows your lead and literally looks up to you in every way possible.

You moved to a new room at school this past month and the transition went really well.  I was a little worried given the very close relationship you’d developed with Miss Lisa in the Manatee room, but you did great.  Your first transition day you told us how excited you were to be “an Orca today!!,” and proudly went to your new room on the second day.  Your new room is considered a preschool room, but they follow a school schedule, so many of your activities fall in line with their summer camp programs and are little less academically focused.  You’re still learning a new letter each week, are working on handwriting each day, and focusing on other self-help skills, and are finally at an age where you can tell us more detail about what you did during your day. 

We’ve officially been bitten by the princess bug and you are nothing less than totally obsessed with the Disney movie Frozen.  And I mean obsessed.  We don’t watch it that often, but I made the mistake of downloading the soundtrack to my phone and we generally listen to it most the time when we’re at home.  Getting ready in the morning, during breakfast, car ride home from daycare … you get the picture.  They play the soundtrack at school as well and you know most of the words and have dance steps to accompany the re-enactment.  This, coupled with your Sophia the First obsession means that our house is all-princesses-all-the-time.  What I find the most interesting is that you seem to identify with the secondary characters more than the main characters, Princess Amber in Sophia’s world and Princess Elsa in Frozen.  And you have characters that we each play in your mind.  My favorite is that your Gigi is Sophia’s butler, Bailywick. 

A few of your funnier “tricks” over the last couple of months that’s I’ve forgotten to jot down include your two-week obsession with disrobing at random times, including naptime and when we got home from school.  There were a few instances where I’d turn my head for a second or walk in to get you up from nap to find you in your birthday suit.  Quite amusing, but I’m glad you grew out of that as quickly as you came into it, for now anyway.  One of the other things that’s given us a real chuckle lately is how you’ve developed an independence around washing yourself in the bathtub, and will inform your Dad that you are cleaning off your “messy bessies” or “dusty musties.”  Although we have no idea where these sayings came from, it makes us chuckle nonetheless.

Because my memory is shot most days, I keep notes of what I want to include in your letters and sit with a permanent grin on my face as I write to you each month.  I want to balance being in-the-moment with you and your sister with capturing some of these oh-so-fun-but-sometimes-challenging times.  At the end of the day your Dad and I will sit down and recap the best (and sometimes most trying) things about our day, and we always end with happy stories of you and your sister.  Thank you for giving me something happy to begin and end each day with, you’re my true sunshine in this world. 

Love,

Mom

Asleep at the wheel

If you know Charlotte, you know her favorite activity is eating and it's a BIG deal if she falls asleep mid-meal!

Her future's so bright

Playdate at the park